Today's Toons 11/20/17

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters C & W:

 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 
House and Senate Republicans finished drafting their proposed tax cut bills Wednesday. Let the bargaining begin. With a showdown looming with Congress over deficit reduction, President Trump just offered to cut three programs--Rachel Maddow's, Don Lemon's and Anderson Cooper's.
 
California activists are collecting signatures for a ballot measure for California to secede from the U.S. The new citizenship test asks if you'd support the California constitution, if you'd accept racial equality, and if you'd watch Harvey Weinstein take a shower for a three-picture deal. If you can answer yes to any two of those three questions, then you would pass the California citizenship test.
 
President Trump while in Vietnam waged Twitter war with Kim Jung Un and he urged the U.S. to get along with Russia. No one noticed. The big news was here in Hollywood, where King Kong emphatically denied that eighty-five years ago he exposed himself on top of the Empire State Building.
 
The New York Post reported the first Gallup poll sizing up the American voter mood ahead of the next presidential election Monday. Any conclusions would be premature. The poll shows Trump losing the next election by twelve points to Any Functional Adult, but that doesn't help the Democrats.
 
New Republic cited the media for making up gaffes in Trump's Asia trip. It included the overfeeding the Koi fish story, misquoting his speech to Tokyo automakers, and miscasting his Putin remarks. Trump could walk across the Potomac and the Post headline would read Trump Can't Swim.
 
President Trump returned to work in the White House Wednesday after an eleven-day trip to Asia where he made business deals and foreign policy. He also obtained the release of U.S. prisoners. Those three UCLA basketball players should be back from China today, unless they steal the airliner.
 
UCLA basketball players publicly apologized after they were arrested and jailed for shoplifting in China. Talk about a brutal experience. They were interrogated, berated, ridiculed and kept in total isolation, and that was on the UCLA campus after they praised Trump for securing their release.
 
Mattel released a new Muslim hijab-wearing Barbie doll which Mattel explained was modeled on an Olympic fencer. She should find work right away because President Trump is looking for Olympic fencers. He needs to put up two thousand miles of fence before the next presidential election.
 
Congresswoman Maxine Waters led a Los Angeles audience in chanting Impeach Forty-Five Monday night. She can't specify any charge, but she's sure he's a racist and hates poor people. Some people play the victim card so well I'm surprised that they don't carry around their own chalk.
 
-- Argus Hamilton
 
It just came out that as many as four elected officials have NOT been accused of sexual harassment.
 
-- Jimmy Fallon