Today's Toons 7/17/17

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters C & L:

 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 
President Trump tried to resolve the North Korean crisis with Russia's and China's leaders in Hamburg Friday. Now that Kim Jung Un has an ICBM missile and a nuclear bomb, people on the West Coast would do well to remember the mayor of Hiroshima's last words. What the hell was that??
 
President Trump was cheered in Poland Thursday when he spoke at the site of the Warsaw uprising against the Nazis. He cited Poland's invasion by the Germans and the Russians in the same year. It's the only crowd that cheered louder than Texans when Trump called for a border wall.
 
Kim Jung Un boasted Thursday that his new ICBM missile can reach California, thinking that destroying California is a threat to President Trump. It only drew Trump's encouragement. Once Kim's missiles can also reach New York, you can expect Trump to start making fun of Kim's haircut.
 
The Secret Service grilled Kathy Griffin Monday, weeks after she posed for a photo holding up a mock severed head of Trump. Both political parties are angry at the comic. The Republicans are mad at Kathy for disrespecting the president and the Democrats are mad at her because it wasn't real.
 
The White House vowed action against colleges that punish free speech advocates. The entire generation needs to be de-programmed. A recent poll said only forty percent of college students believe in free speech, and the rest of the students think speech should be paid for by the government.
 
President Trump's stay in Hamburg was closely monitored by the U.S. media Friday. At a park, Trump came upon a toddler choking on a Tootsie Roll and he saved the child by performing the Heimlich maneuver and removing it. That night, CNN headlined that Trump takes candy from a baby.
 
Donald Trump Jr. explained his meeting with a Moscow attorney last summer in a Fox News interview Tuesday. The witch hunt is just starting. Last summer at the Comedy Store, I helped my old friend Yakov Smirnov punch up a joke and now I'm in trouble for colluding with the Russians.
 
The New York Times trumpeted that Donald Trump Jr. met with a Moscow attorney arranged by a publicist who promised dirt on Hillary. It only turned out to be a pitch for adopting Russian orphans. The Italian Army just decorated the New York Times for shooting and missing once again.
 
President Trump's son-in-law Jared Kushner had to hire an attorney to deal with the Russian meeting last summer and Donald Trump Jr. had to hire a lawyer as well. It never ends. Eleven-year-old Barron Trump handed in his book report on Dr. Zhivago Monday, and just hired an attorney.
 
President Trump met evangelical pastors in the Oval Office who laid hands on him and prayed for him. The comedy never ends. If Democrats thought Trump was insufferable being a white male with ten billion dollars and a beautiful family, wait till he names Jesus his Deputy Chief of Staff.
 
Congress may return from their August vacations to vote on the Senate's version of the GOP health care bill. They've been ripping Obamacare for seven years without writing a plan they can agree on. Congress is proof that the universe is made up of protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.
 
-- Argus Hamilton