Today's Toons 9/4/17

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters C & L:

 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 
Hillary Clinton is set to release her new book What Happened about her election loss. Several teasers from the book were released. At one point, Hillary refers to the president as a real creep who makes her skin crawl, but you have to buy the book to find out which president she was talking about.
 
President Trump lashed out at the Republican Congress and the Republican Senate for being unable to pass his agenda Thursday. The latest poll showed Congress's job approval rating at an all-time low of ten percent approval. To put that in perspective, Lee's statues are at sixty-two percent.
 
ESPN replaced an announcer named Robert Lee from a Virginia game Saturday because he has the same name as the Confederate commander. However this Robert Lee is Asian American. The only thing he ever surrendered was his driver's license for driving too slowly on Sunset Boulevard.
 
USC leftists demanded Tommy Trojan stop riding a horse that's always been named Traveler after Lee's horse. The school is sure to do the right thing and rename him Stalin. They don't want anything to distract from the dignity of O.J. Simpson's Heisman Trophy on display in Heritage Hall.
 
Charlottesville covered up the Confederate statues deemed so offensive to leftist demonstrators Friday. Next, animal rights activists will gather in Manhattan for a huge protest to demand the removal of the Empire State Building. They say it is a constant reminder of the murder of King Kong.
 
Special Counsel Bob Mueller's top Trump-Russia investigator resigned Thursday. It was a sad day for the mainstream media. An optimist sees the glass as half-full, the pessimist sees the glass as half-empty, while CNN and the New York Times sees the glass as proof of Trump's collusion with Russia.
 
White House advisor Sebastian Gorka bit the dust Friday following Bannon, Spicer, Priebus, Scaramucci and Flynn out the door.. He's not the only casualty. The guy who sand blasts the old names and paints the new names on the West Wing parking spaces was just hospitalized with carpal tunnel.
 
North Korea's Kim Jung Un fired an intermediate-range missile that flew over Japan Tuesday, landing in the ocean past Hokkaido. Tempers flared in Tokyo and Washington D.C. The world is so crazy now that it's only fitting that the future of mankind could be in the hands of Dennis Rodman.
 
North Korea's Kim Jung Un remained defiant Tuesday after firing a missile over Japan which caused the US to consider war. North Korea refuses to believe that the United States would drop a nuclear bomb on an Asian country. That's what happens when all your history books begin in 1953.
 
Texas Governor Greg Abbott thanked the White House for its coordination with state and local agencies as well as major charities for helping in flood relief. The Clinton Foundation announced it will be sending its people to Houston to help out. Looters are always the first to show up after a flood.
 
A Tampa University sociology professor was fired Tuesday for tweeting that Texans deserved Harvey because the state voted for Donald Trump. Liberal arts professors tend to be secular humanists by nature. Secular humanists believe the Bible is 100% accurate, if thrown at close range.
 
President Trump was cheered in Corpus Christi Tuesday when he declared that Texans can handle anything. You'd think the media would let up for one day. CNN covered the president's visit with a panel of Democratic legal experts who think that flood damage is an impeachable offense.
 
The New York City Council voted to raise local tobacco taxes once again on Tuesday and now a pack of cigarettes in the Big Apple will cost thirteen dollars. They've done it. It's been a long road and it's taken thirty years, but the Democrats have finally managed to make crack cost-effective.
 
The National Weather Service reported that Hurricane Harvey dumped fifty inches of rainfall on Houston in five days since making landfall. It's been a wet nine months out west as well. California has had fifty inches of rain since the presidential election, and that's just from all the tears.
 
-- Argus Hamilton