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Author Topic: Today's Toons 1/29/18  (Read 128 times)
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pookie18
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« on: January 29, 2018, 06:29:51 am »


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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This Thread Brought To You By The Number 0:

 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 
House and Senate Democrats threatened to shut down the U.S. government Thursday over the issue of protecting illegal immigrant young people they call Dreamers. No one knew what might happen. The longest U.S. government shutdown lasted four years, when Jimmy Carter was president.
 
The Los Angeles Times ran an article last week questioning why President Trump was the first president in decades never to visit California once during his first year in office. It's not exactly his tribe out here. The Starbucks in Hollywood is located at the corner of I'm Offended and That's Racist.
 
President Trump was called a racist by Hollywood stars for referring to Third World countries as S-hole nations. In 2016 the same stars threatened that if Trump won they'd move to Australia, New Zealand or Canada. Leave it to Hollywood to protest racism by moving to the White Dominions.
 
House and Senate Democrats packed the galleries with Dreamers Thursday during the debate over their fate. The logic was tricky. The left says America is racist, unfair country that exploits its poor and jails its minorities, and that it's wrong to stop people from coming here to enjoy its blessings.
 
The U.S. government shut down Friday when Congress couldn't agree on a budget bill. Allies reacted swiftly. President Trump just got an emergency call from India's prime minister who suggested that Trump try turning the United States off, then turning it back on, and see if that helps.
 
Senator Elizabeth Warren faced calls by Native American tribes to apologize for claiming she was Cherokee back when she applied for an Ivy League professorship. They don't like when a white pretends to be red to get a job at Brown. Next thing you know a black will marry into the Royal family.
 
The Pentagon vowed Friday to establish direct communications with state emergency warning systems to try prevent mistaken missile alerts and the resulting chaos. It's epidemic. On Monday, Hawaii sent out a global text warning that the extended U.S. government shutdown was a false alarm.
 
Mitch McConnell arranged for chain migration, the immigration lottery and the border wall to be part of a proposed DACA deal. It's tense. If this generation were faced with a Zombie Apocalypse, they would have Zombie Rights activists dedicated to prevent them from being deported.
 
Disney, Verizon and JP Morgan Chase gave out millions in employee bonuses Tuesday and credited Trump's tax cuts, and WalMart added extended maternity and family leave and scholarships. It's forced Democrats to up their game. Now they claim Trump colluded with the Devil to win the election.
 
GOP Senator Ron Johnson called for a special counsel probe of the FBI after he was tipped off about the existence of a secret society of government officials and agents determined to take down Trump. No one knows who they are. They meet every day on CNN where nobody will find them.
 
-- Argus Hamilton
 
I read that John Kerry is considering running for president in 2020. Kerry has a great campaign slogan. "John Kerry: Sorry I'm Not Oprah."
 
-- Jimmy Fallon
 
It's come out that Bernie Sanders met with staffers to discuss a presidential run in 2020. Apparently, Bernie's first question will be, "Will I still be alive?"
 
-- Conan
 
 
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