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Author Topic: Today's Toons 12/4/17  (Read 52 times)
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pookie18
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« on: December 04, 2017, 06:22:51 am »


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter T:

(Thank you, cartoonist Rex May)
 
 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 
Thanksgiving weekend drew a record fifty million Americans to travel somewhere by car, rail or air. It's the favorite holiday of Washington lawmakers and Hollywood and media elite. That's because it's the only day of the year when admitting that you rubbed breasts and thighs is acceptable.
 
Attorney General Jeff Session was called a racist by Democrats for going after sanctuary cities that shield illegal aliens from deportation. The definition of the word racist has been updated. In today's political climate in Washington, a racist is someone you can't accuse of sexual misconduct.
 
President Trump officiated at a Rose Garden ceremony Tuesday where he pardoned two huge turkeys from being slaughtered for Thanksgiving. We always learn the same lesson. The two turkeys which President Obama pardoned last year are already back on the streets, committing crimes.
 
Senator Al Franken went into seclusion on Wednesday after two more women came forward to say he groped them while they were posing for photos together. He can always return to show business. Al just got a standing offer from Hollywood to play the villain in pepper spray commercials.
 
The NFL suffered another day of spotty attendance amid lower TV ratings due to fan protests against the Anthem kneel-downs. It's completely backfired on the players. L.A. police now play the National Anthem on their sirens and when the suspects stop and kneel, it makes them easy to catch.
 
Congressman John Conyers gave up his seat on the House Judiciary Committee amid claims that he sexually harassed the women on his Capitol Hill staff over his fifty-two-year House career. He was first elected to Congress in 1964. I guess they didn't call it the Johnson Landslide for nothing.
 
President Trump will meet with House and Senate Democratic leaders this week to try to agree on a tax cut bill. However the left opposes him at every turn. Just before Thanksgiving, Trump pardoned two turkeys, but then the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco overturned them.
 
Hillary Clinton last week demanded that President Trump be surrounded by people who'll stop him if he tries to do something rash in office. It's starting to make her look weird. The next Nobel Peace Prize may go to whoever gives Hillary a participation trophy so she'll think she won something.
 
President Trump hailed the U.S. military for defeating ISIS Friday but warned they're fanning out into Europe. The cells are almost all men. That's because ISIS women terrorists have to be strong enough to push the trucks fast enough to run over people, since women aren't allowed to drive.
 
President Trump razzed Elizabeth Warren Monday, calling her Pocahantas because she once lied she was Cherokee to get on the Harvard faculty. She's thin-skinned. If Elizabeth Warren is ever elected president, how angry will she be at the Marine Band every time they play Hail to the Chief?
 
The U.S. Senate worked frantically Monday to try to reach agreement on income and corporate tax cuts, a replacement for Obamacare, and a budget. We're asking these people to do way too much in way too little time. At one point Monday, Al Franken was running three apologies behind schedule.
 
President Trump urged the Justice Department to look into Hillary Clinton's missing e-mails scandal from the campaign. It's not all damning. Say what you will about Hillary's email, but she may be the only person ever to hear from the Nigerian prince and collect the twenty million dollars
 
North Korea's dictator Kim Jung Un claimed Sunday that his military now has ICBM missiles that can reach Los Angeles. He doesn't realize it's not nearly that simple. Once these missiles get to Los Angeles, they've got to get head shots and an agent, or they're not going anyplace in this town.
 
The FBI warned online shoppers to beware of con men taking advantage of the heavy holiday Internet traffic. They said last year a con man made sixty million dollars circulating that e-mail by a so-called Nigerian prince soliciting money. Democrats say for the last time, he was born in Hawaii.
 
Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi canceled a meeting with Trump Tuesday to discuss how to avoid running the government out of money in eight days. If the government shuts down, it's still a partial shutdown. Congress will get paid their full salary under the Americans with No Abilities Act.
 
MSNBC former host Keith Olbermann announced on his YouTube outlet Tuesday that he's retiring from political commentary. He lost previous jobs at CBS Sports, ESPN, MSNBC, NBC, Current TV and MSNBC again. Keith Olbermann's been fired more times than a Civil War cannon.
 
The National Gambling Review predicted Las Vegas sports books will take one-hundred-fifty million in Super Bowl bets this year. We'll gamble on anything. And congratulations to everyone who had Matt Lauer and Garrison Keillor on your Sexual Predator Bingo cards Wednesday morning.
 
NBC fired Today Show host Matt Lauer Wednesday after a female staffer accused him of sexual misconduct in the workplace. The incident occurred three years ago at the Winter Olympic Games in Sochi. The good news is, Matt Lauer ends up bringing home the gold in the Men's Downhill.
 
The Grammy Awards in Hollywood announced Tuesday that Vermont Socialist Senator Bernie Sanders has been nominated for a Grammy this year for his audio book. It talks about the benefits of socialism. Bernie Sanders's audio book is priced at forty dollars, three hundred dollars after taxes.
 
-- Argus Hamilton
 
That's the big story today. NBC has fired Matt Lauer from the "Today" show after he was accused of inappropriate sexual behavior. So if you were wondering "Where in the World is Matt Lauer?" - he's probably at a bar with Charlie Rose.
 
-- Jimmy Fallon
 
Bernie Sanders has been nominated for a Grammy Award for best audiobook. Of course, Bernie supporters are already complaining that the Grammys are rigged so that Hillary will win.
 
Longtime "Today" show anchor Matt Lauer was fired because he was caught engaging in sexually inappropriate behavior. Afterwards, Lauer said, "Maybe having all those people looking through the windows wasn't such a great idea after all."
 
-- Conan
 
 
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apples
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« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2017, 04:05:01 pm »

Thank you Pookie! https://i.imgur.com/d471xpM.jpg
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pookie18
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« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2017, 04:13:37 pm »


You're welcome, @apples!

http://tinyurl.com/ngbm3y6
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