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Author Topic: Today's Toons 10/16/17  (Read 153 times)
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« on: October 16, 2017, 04:18:54 am »


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In Case You Missed It Dept.:
Hillary Clinton continued guesting on late-night talk shows Thursday, complaining about how she lost the presidential election last year. Americans should work out a deal. The North can have Hillary and the South can have the statues, and this way everyone has a Lost Cause they can celebrate.
Antenna TV reports a surge in the number of TV viewers for the Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson re-runs. It's no secret why. The University of California just advised students that if they will watch Jimmy Kimmel all week, that's five hours of lectures they may apply to their college credits.
President Trump said Thursday he is honored by Secretary of State Rex Tillerson's statement of support but Rex didn't deny NBC's claim he called Trump a moron. Last year Trump made six hundred million dollars while getting elected president. I'll trade him my IQ for his stupidity any day.
Hillary Clinton continued plugging her book What Happened on the three major network late-night talk shows last week. She's still furious she lost to Trump. No one wants to say Hillary seems a little overwrought, but she arrived at the Jimmy Fallon show on Wednesday in a slow white Bronco.
Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced Thursday he's rolling back Obama-era workplace special protections for trans-genders. Ordering these protections was the last president's claim to history. President Nixon put a man on the moon, and President Obama put one in the women's room.
Hollywood movie studio chief Harvey Weinstein went on leave Friday amid a torrent of sexual harassment claims reported against him. That night, Harvey walked into the bar at the Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills and he asked the waitress for the usual. So she brought him a restraining order.
President Trump had to deal with Hurricane Nate, which hit the Deep South Saturday. That's four hurricanes and a mass shooting in one month. However the biggest disaster of the Trump Administration is the number of really funny late-night comedians we've lost to political commentary.
Senate Democrats and anti-gun advocates debated furiously with NRA spokespeople and GOP lawmakers on cable news all weekend over anti-gun legislation. Their premise is, if we make guns illegal, nobody will get shot anymore. That's how we stopped everybody from doing drugs.
Peyton Manning's statue was unveiled at the Indianapolis Colts stadium Sunday. His family is from Mississippi, he was raised in Louisiana and starred at Tennessee. It's only a matter of time before statue protestors arrive and claim that Peyton Manning's offensive linemen were de facto slaves.
Jerry Jones announced Sunday any Dallas Cowboys player who doesn't stand for the National Anthem will be benched. It's spreading. While in line at the grocery store this morning, I dropped to one knee to tie my shoelace and everyone else in line dropped to one knee and locked arms with me.
The Drudge Report posted a poll showing that Oprah Winfrey would be a strong candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination. She'd be fun. If Oprah were president, the U.S. would lose money, then gain money, then lose money, then gain back the money and finally blame it all on bread.
Hillary Clinton waited five days after the Weinstein scandal broke before saying she's shocked and disgusted by the news of Harvey Weinstein's sexual misconduct. She did NOT volunteer to give back his huge donation to the Clinton Foundation. Hillary said she was shocked, not electrocuted.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced that NFL players should stand for the National Anthem Tuesday. The whole rebellion is backfiring. L.A. cop cars just replaced their sirens with the National Anthem, so that when fleeing suspects hear it, they'll drop to one knee and be easier to catch.
The NFL Players Union vowed to sue to keep players from being benched for kneeling during the Anthem. What a mess. We live in a country where taking a knee can get you benched by the Dallas Cowboys, Holy Communion in the Episcopal Church, or the female lead in a Weinstein movie.
Daily Variety says the movie industry is counting on Justice League of America and Star Wars: the Last Jedi to join Stephen King's movie It in saving the year's box office. Also the Porn Hub Studio is releasing the long-awaited sequel to Debbie Does Dallas. It's called Harvey Does Hollywood.
Lindsay Lohan was the only actress in Hollywood who was willing to publicly sympathize with disgraced sexual harasser Harvey Weinstein Wednesday. Their deal was a little different. Lindsay agreed to watch Harvey in the shower but she turned down the movie role for a gram of coke instead.
-- Argus Hamilton
Another big story is this Harvey Weinstein scandal. Today, some very serious allegations came out about his sexual misconduct. You can tell they're bad, cuz Anthony Weiner just unfriended him.
-- Jimmy Fallon
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